In my many travels, I've found that the best cure is Campbell's cream of mushroom soup and soda crackers.

Just after the doors are sealed and you're taxying to the runway, crack open a can and pour it into your shoes.

Be sure to offer some to your fellow passengers as well. Never be stingy with your foot soup.

Violently jam your feet into the shoes. This may cause some spillage and annoy your single-serving friend, but the fight against jetlag is a bitter one indeed.

Take the soda crackers and carefuly place them first inside your ears, then just up both of your nostrils and put the rest in your mouth.

You are now ready for your flight.

Once in the air, occasionally stagger through the isles making conversation with other passengers.

Start with people trying to sleep and small, quiet infants and work your way up.

After being escorted back to your seat, begin to act out the famous Twilight Zone episode where William Shatner sees a gremlin on the wing of the plane.

Remember to involve other passengers and improvise! If you can't find a gun to shoot out the window, attempt setting flame to your farts with a cigarette lighter.

Everyone will appreciate your play-acting as a distraction from an otherwise boring flight.

When you finally arrive at your destination, thank everyone around you with hugs and french kisses for such a pleasant flight.

And finally, remember that cream of mushroom soup in your shoes? You may enjoy that as an after-flight snack.

Again, do not be stingy with your foot soup! Remember to offer some to others in the terminal and baggage claim.

If you follow these detailed steps, then you too can free yourself from the bonds of jetlag.

Thanks for the tips.

No problem!